My Grandpa

This week I have the privilege of  staying at my grandma’s house and looking after her while my mum is overseas. For those who don’t know, my grandma’s place is in my parent’s backyard – so we grew up with Grandma and Grandpa almost as second parents.

I am currently sitting at my grandpa’s desk. It is a very strange experience. I’ve never sat here before, ‘cause this was grandpa’s chair. I remember him sitting on this chair in his study when I was a little girl, and I was allowed to play with his orange sticky tape dispenser – it was such fun! I can actually see it from where I am sitting. Grandpa’s rulers are lined up neatly on the desk in front of me, the pens are all in their place. Grandpa’s fluro study light is here waiting to be used. There are little spirax notebooks in a pile, the one’s that grandpa always kept in his pocket and wrote everything in. Grandpa’s beautiful old briefcase is sitting at my feet with his initials ‘A.G.J.’ stamped in it. The room smells just like grandpa, and it smells wonderful. I keep expecting him to come in and check on me, even at this late hour. I can hear him saying ‘Everything alright, love? Can I get you anything?’

But grandpa isn’t going to walk in the door. He won’t sit at this desk and write cards in his beautiful handwriting. Grandpa went to be with his God in June this year. And there is no place that he would rather be.

Sitting right next to me on the bookshelf, face up, is one of grandpa’s books titled ‘Notes on the Pentateuch: Genesis to Deuteronomy’. It is one of the only books left on the shelf. And it is evoking such an emotional response from me. I sat at this desk to study for my yearly college exams. But I can’t start. I can’t stop looking at the book. My book remains closed. Because I sat down to study Deuteronomy.

I wish he was here. I wish I could talk to him about my college work and ask him questions. He also used to lecture on Isaiah and 1 and 2 Samuel, the other two books I have to study for my exam. He would have loved to sit down and talk with me.

This desk has seen many years of Bible study, with grandpa pouring over commentaries with his well-worn Bible open beside him. As I sit here it seems somewhat symbolic of what he has left behind – people who love and serve the same God he did for so many years. And a grandchild, who is pouring over the same wonderful books of the Bible that he spent hours in.

I hope and pray that at the end of my life, whenever it may be, I will have been as faithful as grandpa. I hope I never loose the joy of reading the Bible’s familiar words. I hope I always want to learn more about God and what He has done for me. And, as small as it may seem, I hope when I see grandpa in heaven that he is proud of me. I can’t wait to see him again to say thank you.

Being a non-Home Owner

This week I walked past a Real Estate agency. "Big Deal!" would be the correct response. But this time something was different, and I have been reflecting on it for the past few days. The difference was that it was the first time in two years I have walked or driven past a Real Estate agency and not felt a twinge of regret or sadness. So I have been pondering - why did I feel this in the first place? And what has changed?

I am well aware of when it started. It was when I finally signed my application for Moore College. The application had been filled for weeks, but I hadn't been able to sign it and send it in. Signing that form meant many things, one being that I would stop looking for a house. I would no longer pour over the Domain adds online and in the paper. No more home inspections and dealing with overeager Real Estate agents. Going to college meant that I would need all my savings to help me through my time of study.

Owning a house meant a lot to me. Not just that it was the right thing to do at that stage of my life (I never have been good at following trends!), but I would genuinely love to have a house that was mine. I love the idea of painting and choosing furniture. It would be great to walk in the door after a long days work and throw my bag wherever I want to and just be me. To know each day that there was stability and security in my life. I think most of all I love the idea of having a place to invite people to, where they are comfortable and feel loved.

All this went out the door when I signed up for college. My future was once again a big question mark. What would I do after college? Where is the security in yet another degree, a bigger HECS debt and no money? Why was God asking this of me? Didn't He know how much I wanted my own place? All my friends were becoming home owners, and my loan request had gone through, so surely it was OK for me too?

Unfortunately these questions have still been plaguing me. Not all the time, but certainly every time one of my friends bought a house, or I walked past a Real Estate agency. I would feel a sense of longing, and almost want to mourn for what I didn't have.

After two years some of these things have not gone away. Life after college is still a little question mark for me. I could be anywhere in the world and be doing any kind of job. But the big question mark is now an exclamation mark. I have the most secure thing in the universe - God, the Creator, is my Lord. He not only knows what will happen after college He has planned it. It might not be glamorous, it certainly won't be somewhere I would have chosen myself, but that is OK. Actually, it is better than OK, it is awesome. He has more exciting things planned than I can ever imagine or hope for. God knows where I can best serve Him and bring Him glory.

I am beginning to understand that my near future probably lies outside of Sydney, serving God where there is a great need. This option would never have eventuated if I had stayed in my job and bought a house. I would have been too comfortable to move, and would not be prepared to leave behind the 'security' I thought I had.

If I had not gone through this process I would not fully appreciate what God has done. He has allowed me to know with certainty that I have nothing tying me to Sydney, nothing to hold me back. He has taught and is continuing to teach me to trust Him, because He holds the key to the future and has it all organised.

Sure, I would love the security of owning a house. I would love a home that belongs to me, a place where I can just be myself and not fear being judged. But I have God, and an awesome future with Him.

What is this thing called blog?

Oh dear! What am I doing? I don't do these things called blogs. Well, that is, I haven't until now.

I feel I am a little late at arriving at the world of blog. For years people have been saying 'You can read about it in my blog' or 'Didn't you know? I blogged about it.' (Yes, it has a verbal form too! Blogging. The act of writing and posting a blog.)

Those around me seem to like it, so here goes nothing!

I think my fear of entering the world of blog is that I will write things on the www that I would not say in real life. So here is what I would love you to do - if you know me personally, and think I am guilty of such a thing, I would love you to tell me! While my blogs will be personal reflections and thoughts, I do not want online to become a 'safe place' where I can dump things I would not usually divulge. Any or all of my posts can be brought up in conversation with me in person, I am determined to be open with my sharing.

That's it - first blog complete.

I have no idea how long this blogging thing will last - maybe till my assignment is handed in this Friday!

For now, goodbye blogging world!