2014 So Far...In Geraldton!

Before I left Sydney I made a promise – I would use this blog to keep people updated on my life over here in WA. My aim was to write an update every term.

Well, over 10 months after leaving, here is my first blog. Part of my silence has been business and tiredness, for which I apologise – this has meant that many of you who are praying for and supporting me have not been kept up-to-date. The other reason for my delay has been more of a struggle – I have been scared to write this. I’ve been able to keep going over here by keeping busy and just getting through each day, and in the process I have been able to ignore things that I found hard or knew I had to leave till later to deal with. Don’t be too terrified of what will follow – I am loving life over here and would not wish to be anywhere else. It’s just that I’ve needed to keep going rather than giving things the time to process that they require, just because there is so much to process this year.

To help manage these 10 months into a coherent update I’m going to sort things into categories. It is certainly not the most creative way to write things but otherwise I’ll forget something and not know where I’m up to. Also, I have a feeling this is going to be loooooong, so feel free to skip down to things that you are more interested in!

So, with coffee, chocolate and tissues at hand, here I go.

THE MOVE

The last few months in Sydney (Nov-Jan 2013/14) were, to say the least, crazy. The moment college finished and goodbyes were said the packing and moving began. All my college things got moved back home (to the family home) and I moved in with dad, mum, Erin (my sister) and Gran. I was very rarely home because there were just so many wonderful friends to say goodbye to. Thank you to all those who gave their time to me in these months, I can’t explain how wonderful it was to say goodbye to people properly.

It was pretty tricky packing everything – it all had to fit into my sedan and a trailer. I was able to leave some stuff at mum and dad’s place, but anything I needed over here had to fit. I had a final church service at my beloved home church, a final dinner with my family, and then, on the morning of the 9^th of January my dad and I set off for a bit of a drive. Across Australia. From Sydney to Geraldton. (Before I left I got to show Gran what a selfie was and we took an awesome one out the front right before she waved me goodbye.)

I should mention that for a number of months I had been trying to rent a place in Geraldton, but because of finances and being so far away things just had not worked out. TWO DAYS before I left Sydney I suddenly had a house. One of the ministers at the Cathedral here had a cycling friend who had just bought the property behind their own block, as they wanted to extend their yard, and it had a house on it they wanted to rent out. To me. It would be ready by the time I arrived. Crazy! God had it sorted the whole time and I had been so stressed about this.

The trip over was long but fairly uneventful – one flat, and the timing of it was as perfect as those things can be. We got to stay with some relatives in Adelaide, which was really lovely, and then in Perth we stayed with an awesome girl Rowena who introduced me to some other fantastic Perth girls.

My uncle from Perth had done an amazing job at sourcing second hand furniture and kitchen things for me. We left Perth with his car and another whole trailer load of stuff, including beds, a washing machine, book shelves and so much more.

On arriving in Geraldton we drove straight up to my new house, where the family who own it were waiting. They were a bit nervous that I wouldn’t like it, because, well, it’s a bit crazy. So of course I loved it! It is hot pink, bright blue, turquoise, orange, green…every colour, with rooms and doors and random windows everywhere. It is four bedrooms with separate kitchen, dining and living, and a good sized back yard. The lady who owns it had put flowers and candles in the house and made me some home-made muesli. Basically if I could imagine my dream house, this is it. I loved it at first sight and haven’t stopped yet! It is ideal for having groups of people over and having visitors (HINT HINT!).

The first week dad worked really hard, and we sorted out furniture I needed to buy and pretty much unpacked the whole house. By the time dad left everything was sorted. He also helped me with being able to afford some things I needed, like a fridge and some lounges, which was so kind. I would not have been able to settle nearly as quickly without his help.

In my first week I also had meetings with Bishop Gary and John, the acting principal at Grammar, sorting out my jobs at both places, getting keys etc. I admit I had no idea I would be starting so soon, but hey, nothing like landing on your feet.

Dad left at the end of the week, and he was my last link to back home. After thinking about coming over here for almost two years I was finally here. And I was so excited! I think it was less scary because I knew I would be flying home for graduation in a couple of months, so it wasn’t really a final farewell. And after living three years at college I finally had a house! It was the best feeling in the world.

My first Sunday here in Geraldton I started work. So I guess here is a good place to start talking about Church!

GERALDTON ANGLICAN CATHEDRAL (2 Days/Week)

For those of you who don’t know much about my church, here is some quick info.

We have 4 Sunday Services – 6:45am, 8:15am, 10am and 5pm. Each service has a meal/coffee time afterwards. The first two are more traditional services, the 10am is a contemporary family service and the 5pm is a casual service with dinner after. Each service has it’s own unique flavour and congregation. I am expected to help at the 10am and the 5pm. This involves things like Bible reading, weekly music, leading, praying etc.

The people at church have been wonderful. I felt at home from my first week there. Many of them have adopted me and look out for me, which has helped me feel like I belong not just to the church but also to Geraldton. It has been wonderful sharing people’s lives with them. The beginning of the year was a little unsettled; due to the transience of Geraldton, January-February is the time when people new to the town go church shopping. There were constantly new faces, and because I was new it was a struggle to figure out who usually attended and who was new. It has been very exciting to see new people joining our church, particularly new families and young adults.

As part of my role at the Cathedral I coordinate women’s ministry. This has meant organising monthly morning teas, which I struggle to wrap my head around because there is just not enough time to organise things and it always seems like it is time for another one. They are, however, very encouraging times because the women love to be there and to build each other up.

We also had our first Geraldton Women’s Convention in September. This was an absolutely huge amount of work but it was entirely worth it. Clare Deeves, a lecturer at Trinity Theological College, came and spoke. We promoted the event to women at various churches throughout Geraldton and we had over 50 women attend! Which is just a miracle and exceeded my expectations. I walked away from the day completely overwhelmed. Every woman who was there was there to learn about God. Their joy in the day and wonder that such an event was being held in Geraldton was one of the must humbling things I have ever been part of. They were women craving to be fed, and having a biblically-focused local women’s convention was, to many of them, the most wonderful thing ever. They were so grateful and were asking when the next one was and they-have-so-many-other-people-the-want-to-invite-please-have-another-one. None of this was aimed at big-noting the event, it was simply wanting to be taught the Bible. I found it also quite confronting. There isn’t a month that goes by in Sydney where you can’t go to a women’s event and be taught well from the Bible. And here are women crying out for such a thing. God is amazing. And, of course, we will have another one! This time with a committee, better advanced advertising and a demographically wider promotion.

Some other things that I am involved in each week at the Cathedral are the music team, Friday night Youth Group, Sunday afternoon Youth Bible Study and a Thursday night Bible study. I have to say I find the Youth Group a real struggle; people that know me will know I never even liked Youth Group as a kid, so going as a leader on a Friday night after a week of school with teenagers is a killer. I do love most of the kids that go, and the Sunday Bible study with them has been great. Going on the camp with them was fun, and it is exciting watching them grow and take on God for themselves.

I have also started attending the 6:45am service as a member of the congregation, and I have been loving it. I hadn’t realised how much I missed just going to church and not having to think about what was coming up next and what I was doing, I could just sit and learn and worship. The people at this service are really sweet. They look out for each other and love each other. I’ve been adopted by a few of them and have even received some plants for my garden! I think they feel a bit sorry for me and think I need a bit of tlc, to which I’m not opposed! I have about 50 grandmas over here!

One thing I still find difficult is a lack of adults at my age/stage at church. Or maybe I should say I am used to having a whole bunch of single working friends at church or at college. And that just isn’t the case here. People leave to go to uni and either don’t come back or they come back with a family. While it hasn’t impacted on me as much as it could have because I have been busy, I can see that it might get me down in the future. I have a whole lot of respect for people who stick it out rather than leaving. It also causes problems with a lack of leaders. There are just not enough lay-leaders to cover things. It means that there are people being over-worked or doing ministries that they don’t necessarily have an interest in or passion for simply because we need people. Unfortunately it is impossible to train up younger people because once they are old enough to become leaders they leave for study, and the cycle continues.

I absolutely love working for church. The staff are brilliant and support and help each other so much. The women are eager to learn about God and encourage each other. I am getting to know people better and I certainly feel like I have friends there. Sundays are long days, but they are good days. Very good days.

In 2015 my role will continue at the Cathedral. I am very excited to have more time next year to do some mentoring and general follow-up with the women; this will make a big difference. Unfortunately I can’t see that I’ll be allowed to drop anything due to a lack of manpower (womanpower?), but we’ll have to see how things pan out.

Some things to pray for would be:

·      thank God for my new church family!

·      thank God for the joy of fellowshipping, caring for and living life with a wonderful group of people

·      the women’s morning teas to settle into a rhythm for 2015 and have more direction

·      planning for the 2015 Geraldton Women’s convention

·      my attitude towards Youth Group

·      the ongoing growth of the Cathedral, both in numbers and their love and knowledge of God

·      a new generation of leaders and workers – and more young adults and workers!

GERALDTON GRAMMAR SCHOOL (4-5 Days/Week)

I am employed at Grammar as the chaplain and an English teacher. When I first signed a contract I was employed for 4 days a week. Between that time and the beginning of the year, however, the school moved to a 6-day rolling timetable (so the timetable goes from day 1-6, then starts again, not taking into account the actual day of the week). This has meant that I get day 3 off, and this day changes each week. It also means I work 5 days out of 6 rather than 4 days out of 5, some weeks I don’t get a day off school if there is no Day 3 in the week, and I still have to go in on my day off (Day 3) if it is a Monday because Chapel is every Monday morning. This has led to a whole bunch of problems with me and my church work, and has meant I can’t have a fixed week day for church work. It has also meant some weeks I work 7 days as not every week I get a day off school. I didn’t find any of this out before moving here so have kind of had to just go with it.

I have loved the English teaching way more than I anticipated. The kids at Grammar are brilliant – very good behaviour but still with enough spunk to make things interesting. I have a Year 8 and a Year 9 class, and I get on with them very well. I’m still not used to silent reading actually being silent, and having kids actually do the work and the homework. It is quite novel really!

Chaplaincy has been…interesting. The only face-to-face time I have with the students is a 15minute Chapel service on Monday mornings. This 15minutes must include prayer, any songs, readings and the talk. There are no other Christian Ed or RE classes in the high school at all (the primary has RE and it is brilliant, but it stops after primary). The rest of my role is pretty much the pastoral/spiritual care of the kids, teachers and parents. It has been a hard slog getting to know people, and some of the issues the kids come and talk about are pretty full-on. The Chapels are difficult because of the time limit and because there is just no follow-up. There are also weeks where we don’t have Chapel, so sometimes it can be 3 weeks between services, and ongoing series are difficult.

The 3 topics we have done in Chapel are ‘Strange Things Jesus Did’, ‘Strange Things Jesus Said’, and now we are part-way through a Bible overview. The kids really love the lego powerpoints, and we have had a couple of interactive talks which work well. It has been interesting watching the students expectations of Chapel change throughout the year, and I love chatting with them about what is being taught.

This term, Term 4, I have been given an RE lesson with every Year 7-10 class. Woohoo! I have done about 5 so far and have loved every second of them. Interestingly the kids have been so involved and have so many questions I usually get through about a third of what I have actually planned. It is amazing watching them from the beginning of the lesson where they are obviously thinking (and sometimes saying) ‘Oh no, here we go, an RE lesson’ and then ending the lesson by having to cut the questions off because the class has finished. Kids have a natural curiosity about religion and life outside themselves and their reason for being here, and it doesn’t take more than them being given permission to talk and ask questions for them to have their hands flying and their eyes like big saucers. It is the best feeling to finally have this opportunity, and then to have them follow up conversations with me in their own time.

I am super excited about 2015 at Grammar. I am dropping English entirely and will be employed for 2 days a week as the Chaplain. AND I GET TO TEACH RE! TO HIGH SCHOOL! I will have two set days (Monday with Chapel plus one other day), and the student’s timetable will continue to roll. While RE will not be on the timetable I will have a timetable whereby I get to take certain classes for the period instead of their usual scheduled lesson. It will mean that each day I work the timetable will be different, but hopefully it means all the kids from 7-10 get RE. This is a huge answer to prayer.

As far as the environment at Grammar, I guess it would be safe to say it is interesting. Apart from me I can think of 4 other practicing Christian teachers. The primary RE teacher, Joyce, is an absolute gem. She works so hard with those primary kids and she is pretty much my second mum. We sometimes have meetings. At cafes. Where we don’t work. We just café. It is awesome. The rest of the staff generally like the idea of the school having an Anglican tradition and are more than willing to help out, they are also lots of fun and know how to have a good laugh. They are a kind and caring bunch of people, and it is a lovely work environment. The Christianity does at this stage feel token and is more focused on the nice ideals that Christianity has rather than the Gospel, but things are looking up!

As far as prayer points go, here are a few:

·      thank God for the RE lessons this term! And the promise of more next year!

·      thank God that I love working here; I really wasn’t looking forward to going back into the school system but it has been a lovely surprise

·      thank God for a great bunch of colleagues to work with

·      pray for the kids; that they can have a clear understanding of the Gospel and what Christianity really is

·      pray for the ongoing building of relationships, particularly as kids, staff and students talk about life-stuff with me

·      pray for the new principal starting next year, that he might settle in well and that his fresh eyes and new ideas might build the school up

LIFE IN GENERAL

Ok, this is the part I haven’t wanted to write. So here goes.

I was lucky enough to be able to go back home for College Graduation in March. It. Was. Amazing. To be amongst college people I love so much, to hear the singing of Christians en mass, to hear about what everyone was doing and where they were going, and to say goodbye well to people was wonderful. It gave a real sense of closure. It was a bit confronting seeing most of my year group still at college and having shared experiences that I had no idea about, but it was ok because I knew I didn’t want to be at college any more. My time was done, there was no way I could have done another year. And God had provided a wonderful place for me to go to. So saying goodbye was right. And I was happy to come back home, to Geraldton. I was so chuffed that all my siblings and my mum and dad and my uncle could be at graduation, as well as some old college friends from years past and some church people – thanks guys! It meant a lot to share that with you.

A few weeks after returning to Geraldton we had Easter holidays.

On the Wednesday of the second week of these holidays I got a phone call in the morning saying that Gran had been taken into hospital. Now this wasn’t unusual for Gran, so no-one was worried, mum just wanted to let me know. Then Gran got worse. They weren’t sure what was happening, and mum and my uncle were debating whether I needed to go over. It was a pretty awful couple of hours, not knowing what was going on. Then I got a phone call – Gran was gone. She had had a massive stroke and hadn’t made it. Mum said I didn’t have to come home straight away, there was nothing I could do anyway. But I couldn’t not be with my family. Qantas was brilliant – I was on a plane in a matter of hours and was in Sydney the next morning. I stayed till the following Thursday morning. While it was a sad time, it was a time of remembering Gran and being grateful for her time with us. It was a precious time with my family.

Unfortunately coming back to Geraldton was much harder this time. I hadn’t, and still haven’t, processed that Gran is gone, because I am not there to see her not there. It is still like she is in Sydney, and I still catch myself thinking I have to call her because I haven’t spoken to her for so long. It has also been like losing Grandpa all over again. For those that don’t know, my Gran and Grandpa lived with us (on our block in a granny flat) for the past 23 years. They were pretty much second parents. So them not being there is beyond my understanding. Every time I think about it properly I find it very confronting and overwhelming. I know they are in a better place and it was their time to go; living would not have been kind. But my brain can’t process them not being there because I am not there in their house to see it empty.

A couple of weeks after gran passed away our family was rocked again. My mum and dad had decided to separate, sell the family home and go their different ways. While this decision was not at all surprising to us kids and had been years in the making it was pretty awful now it was a reality. Us kids have all dealt with it and are dealing with it in our own ways, and it has been wonderful to be able to love and support each other at this time. Not knowing what our family looks like now is hard. We don’t know where mum and dad will end up; we won’t have the family home with Gran and Grandpa’s house any more. We don’t have a centre, a core. It is very disorienting. Us kids do have each other, and we would do anything for each other. We are in very regular contact as we try to muddle through and navigate this new stage together.

The family home is on the market; for now mum and dad are waiting to see what happens with that before they can decide what happens next. It is difficult to know how to love and support them, as we are still the kids but we are adult kids. I guess none of us knows what ‘now’ is meant to look like, and none of us knows what the next few years will look like, so it is hard to set new patterns of behaviour and relating to each other. There is certainly a great sense of relief because we no longer have to pretend everything is ok at home, and we can talk about things that need to be addressed. Family and friends are being kind and supportive but tend to be baffled by the situation, and everyone is treading carefully.

As far as me living in Geraldton (change of tone!), I love it here. It is a wonderful place to live. I haven’t had much of a chance to get out and enjoy Geraldton but I’m hanging out for next year when I get more time off. The people are friendly and it is a beautiful place. I feel very at home here and don’t miss Sydney at all.

I do, however, miss family and friends. God has been kind in that I very rarely get home-sick (I did for about 5 minutes one time…that’s about it!), and while I miss people I think that is different to feeling homesick. While family stuff can weigh on me I don’t feel like I have prolonged feelings of sadness about being so far away. Of course I can’t wait to see everyone soon! But life, work, people, house, ocean…all these things in Gero are amazing. I LOVE IT!

FUTURE

So over Christmas I am coming home – woohoo! As in over East home. Woohoo! I can’t tell you all how excited I am about that. I am completely exhausted – physically, emotionally, everything-ly. I need hugs and smiles from friends I love so much and who I wish lived over here. You guys are not replaceable, and you are so far away! God has been so kind to give me friends like you.

I am a bit anxious because the trip is getting more and more booked up and I am scared it will be quite stressful, but I am going to have to learn that group-catch-ups are ok and that my family has to come first. I am also a bit scared to go back to Sydney if the family home is sold and gone. I desperately want to see Gran and Grandpa’s house again and know it is the last time I’ll be there; I just want to say goodbye. Without this it will be like we have moved but Gran and Grandpa are still there. But I need to learn, somehow, that it is just a house and I might not get to see it again. And that has to be ok. Christmas will look different, and Sydney will feel less like home than it ever has. But I am lucky enough to have two homes now.

I am super excited for 2015. With less school days I can do more actual women’s work at church rather than just filling in gaps. I am also looking forward to studying again next year to complete a Counselling Diploma. This will help in both my Chaplaincy work and my church work. And I’ll get time to enjoy Geraldton! And have people over for meals! And be more hospitable! I am starting to get a bit anxious about money for next year, as I’m losing 2.5 days income from school, but I can’t keep working this current work load, and I will be able to do both jobs better with less going on. And God has it sorted. He always does.

THANKS

I want to say a HUGE thank you to all the people who have been praying for me, sending me messages, encouraging me and loving me, whether here in Geraldton or from over east. Often your messages, emails or phone calls arrive at just the right time. Thank you also for you patience; I know you have often had to wait for replies and updates. I could not be over here doing this work without your support. Please do keep praying and staying in contact. The work over here is so important, and God is doing great things in North West Australia.

Right. My coffee is cold, three rows of chocolate are gone, and two tissues have been used. And I need to sign off.

Hopefully the next update will be much sooner…and therefore shorter!

Thanks everyone!

xxx

A Letter to Nan

Dear Nan,

I know I’m supposed to be working on my assignment, but I have so many things I want to say to you that they won’t stop until I get them out.

Today I was reminded of what an amazing lady you are. Every single person that spoke of you talked about how much you loved Jesus and how you prayed faithfully for the people you loved, and even people you hardly knew. Even though you were a little person you had a big heart and made a big impact on those around you.

You were such a quiet person. You always listened before you spoke and you didn’t want to be noticed. You probably would have been embarrassed today if you had heard what people said about you and seen all the people that loved you gathered together to talk about you. But it was so important to us because while you were quiet your life spoke volumes.

There was one thing that you made sure everyone around you knew, and that was that you loved Jesus. Jesus was your best friend. I know this was what you held on to even when you didn’t understand where you were or what was going on. And saying that Jesus was your friend was not at all cliché or trite because your life lived and breathed Jesus. People around you had no doubt that the most important person in your life was Jesus. You wanted everyone else to love Jesus too. Right up until the end you were the most amazing missionary. You didn’t have formal theological training, you would never have addressed an audience and you didn’t leave Australia, yet your faithful work has reached so many people. What a truly wonderful thing to be remembered for – your love for Jesus.

You would have been so proud of all your boys today. Each of them spoke so well and it was clear that they love you deeply. I bet you had no idea what an impact you had on their lives. They are all men who love God, and each of them stood up today and remembered times when you had taught them about Jesus. You taught them well, Nan. Your prayers for them were not in vain. And now they teach others what you taught them. Your work on earth may be finished but it continues in the life of your five sons. What a truly beautiful thing it is to know that while they are sad that you are no longer with them, they will spend eternity with your best friend Jesus, who is now their best friend too. Thanks for introducing them to your friend.

Guess what Nan? I got to meet Elsie today! I couldn’t believe she was there! I remember you telling me about her, and how you used to go on Beach Missions together. She even got up and spoke about you. It was lovely hearing about you from the perspective of a life-long friend. I can see why you were friends, she is such a nice lady. I’m glad I got to meet her.

Today has been strange because I keep getting flashbacks of not just times I spent with you but also things I remember being in your house. I remember the three plastic cups that used to stack up to make a soldier. I remember the little flower and butterfly scenes that sat under glass domes – one of them used to rotate and play music when you wound it up, that was my favourite. I remember your reading glasses, and how you could never find them, because even though they had a chain on them that went around your neck you never left them on. I remember how you always gave us a glass of cordial and a biscuit when we came over, and that was so special for us because we didn’t get the special cordial and biscuits that you had! You used to have a ceramic girl sitting on your table that held the paper napkins. And your cutlery was on a stand that used to sit in the middle of the table – I used to think this was so cool, and one of my favourite jobs was to put the cutlery back on the stand after it was wiped up – so much cooler than a cutlery drawer!

There are some memories that I have of you that keep going around my head too. How your hair was always perfectly set and you were just the right height for a hug. You always smelt lovely too. Whenever I stayed with you I would notice how much you talked to yourself – it would take me a while to realise that you were in the kitchen chatting away to yourself and I didn’t have to listen! You always called us ‘love’ or ‘darling’, and I know it wasn’t because you didn’t remember our names but because you loved us.

I know you didn’t always like going to church, Nan. I remember you telling me about how as a little girls you hated going to Sunday School and your dad used to drag you there each week. But then you found out that Shirley Temple went to Sunday School every week and had said that all good children should, and from then on you loved it! You did like Shirley Temple. I have all of your Shirley Temple books you gave me – my favourite is the one with all the newspaper clippings of her you stuck in. I also have your ‘Miss Bobby’ book that you were given by your Auntie – you told me that your mum got you in trouble for asking for it for Christmas, because books were so expensive, but your Auntie loved you so much that she bought it for you anyway.

One of the things you and I loved to talk about was Beach Mission. We used to chat about what things were the same and what had changed. You obviously loved your time there, even though it was hard work. One of the last conversations I had with you you asked whether I was still going to Beach Mission and how my college work was going – ‘You must be nearly finished now’ you said. How on earth you remembered that I have no idea – you didn’t even know what day it was. But these things mattered to you, and somehow they stuck.

There is so much more I could write, Nan, but I need to sign off. I know that right now the worries of this world, including our sadness that you are not here any more, do not matter to you. You are finally with your best friend in the perfect way you are meant to be. I bet you are more in love with Him than ever, and that you haven’t stopped singing since you got there. We all still have work to do here, so our lives continue without you. But you are not forgotten by us, and your love and prayers for others continues its work in many lives. I pray that when we reach the end of our lives the same thing may be said of us that was said of you today -that Jesus was your friend and you faithfully told this to everyone.

I will end with your favourite song that was sung today. It is a song that we all think of when we think of you, because it was your favourite right up to the end.

Jesus loves me, this I know,

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong,

They are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me,

Yes, Jesus loves me,

Yes, Jesus loves me,

The Bible tells me so.

See you soon Nan.

Lots of love,

Kate

Will You Still Be My Friend?

I’ve been sitting here on my laptop looking through photos of times past. I’ve seen smiling faces, silly poses, yummy food and holiday snaps. Yet with every photo that has slid past me on the screen my heart has grown heavier. I have had to stop looking and I have tried to stop thinking. I’m good at that. I can distract myself easily, and immerse myself in work or thoughts of happy things. I can lose myself in the troubles of others and try to make their burdens lighter.

Tonight I can’t. I’m sitting in my chair with tears pouring down my cheeks. My heart feels so heavy I can hardly bear it. I have a question that keeps circling my head. I can’t make it stop. It has become so loud it has overpowered every other thought. It circles over and over and over. The question plaguing me tonight is this:

“Will you still be my friend?”

It is a question we ask when we are children, when we made our friend sad or angry and they weren’t playing with us anymore. We run up to our friend and plead with them and say:

“I’m sorry I took the last blue pencil. Here, I’ll let you have a go. Will you still be my friend?”

When we grow up it is a question we dread to ask when a friend has discovered something about us that we wish remained hidden. We are wracked with guilt, thinking that we have no right to be loved, that such an exposure of our dark selves will result in rejection and repulsion. We may not even be able to voice our question, but our whole being silently implores our friend:

“I know I don’t deserve it but…will you still be my friend?”

I have asked these questions of friends in the past. Some of these friends I am still blessed to have in my life. You, my dear friend, are one of them. But tonight the question is different. It does not come from a place of childhood innocence or guilt over a confession. It comes from a very complex place that is filled with deep love, wonderful memories, fear, grief and uncertainty.

As you know, in 3 months and 2 days I’ll be leaving Sydney. I’m so excited sometimes I just grin like a loon to myself when I think about it. But to get to where I’m going I’ll be leaving Sydney behind. I’ll be leaving you behind, friend. And as I leave I may not say it, but I have no doubt it will be circling our minds:

“Is this goodbye to our friendship, or will you still be my friend?”

I have been learning that there are usual patterns of friendship that people generally follow. One of these is the end of friendship. This does not mean that there has been an argument or irreconcilable difference. It just means that both people have moved on in their lives. They may have physically moved, so contact has become more difficult. They may no longer have common interests, or they may be at very different life stages. The changes might happen quickly or over a long period of time. Often associated with the ending of friendship is a period of grief – grief for the friendship lost. And this is the natural evolution of friendships over a lifetime. Because, let’s face it, we simply don’t have the time to maintain every single friendship that we have in our lifetime.

But, my friend, I don’t want to lose you. I love you. You know me better than I know myself. You make me smile when I’m down. You cry with me when I’m sad. You don’t just reminisce of our past adventures, you create new memories with me. You stand up to me when I’m wrong. You teach me how to live rightly by both your words and your life. You let me into your family, your life. You come on holidays with me and take silly photos. We have our little jokes and looks that no-one else can understand but that are second nature to us. We end up in fits of laughter over ridiculous things. We quote things out of context but we get each other. It is together that we ride this rollercoaster called life. And I don’t want to be on this ride without you. You make this ride OK. And I hope I help make it OK for you too.

So, I have a question to ask.

In 5 months, when I visit Sydney for graduation. When memories are fresh and the changes still a novelty:

“Will you still be my friend?”

When I come and visit in a year and we have forged new friendships. When the near future is looking more certain for us, but this certainty means living across the globe:

“Will you still be my friend?”

When over the years our catch-ups become virtual. When we see each other and notice we have aged:

“Will you still be my friend?”

When yearly catch-ups seem too hard and most other people have moved on:

“Will you still be my friend?”

When our lives are completely separate and we seem to have little in common but memories:

“Will you still be my friend?”

When we are struggling with life or bursting with joy. When our lives are busy with family and new friends:

“Will you still be my friend?”

When we watch friends fall away and grieve for those who have gone before us:

“Will you still be my friend?”

When you hear things through the grapevine rather than hearing them from me:

“Will you still be my friend?”

When we desperately wish to be there for each other but circumstances keep us apart:

“Will you still be my friend?”

When we look at old photos and remember times past like our grandmas do:

“Will you still be my friend?”

I’m not talking of friends who catch up. I’m not talking of friends who live in the past and can’t move forward. I’m talking about living, growing, ongoing friendship. I’m talking about being real with each other. Being there for each other, no matter the distance. Knowing that I would drop everything for you if you needed me to and never doubting that you would do the same for me. Catching up whenever possibly, even years apart, but it being like time never passed. Having not just a memory of love but ongoing, growing love.

“Will you still be that kind of friend?”

The sadness and fear surrounding this question is, of course, that we don’t know. No matter what we promise, no matter how firm our love or commitment, we just can’t know the answer.

And that hurts. It really hurts.

It hurts more because the love is great. If I didn’t love you so much it wouldn’t hurt so much. And ironically the fact that it hurts is a truly beautiful thing.

We know, of course, that we both have a friend of whom we never have to ask such questions. A friend we never have to say goodbye to. A friend who is with us always. A friend who knows us better than we know ourselves and loves us more than we can ever imagine. A friend who knows the great value of friendship and has given you to me. A friend who knew I needed friends like you.

I want to say “Thank you”. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being my friend. Thank you for sharing your life with me. Thank you for trusting me enough to share your hopes and dreams with me. Thank you for speaking your mind and not just saying what I wanted to hear. Thank you for crying with me and letting me use all your tissues. Thank you for being a light for me during that disgusting period of darkness called depression. Thank you for being silly with me, for laughing with me and at me. Thank you for forgiving me when I hurt you, and being brave enough to tell me the pain I caused. Thank you for teaching me how to love and be a friend to other people.

I know God knows what He’s doing. I can’t wait to dive into next year and see what He’s got planned. I can’t wait to hear what you are up to and what God has planned for you. I can’t wait to hear about the new friends you have made and tell you all about mine. I pray earnestly that one day I can be the kind of friend to someone else that you have been to me.

But for now the unanswerable question continues to circle. For now I cling to the joy of friendship here with you, my dear friend, and hope desperately that it will continue to live and thrive. For now the question thrown into space with desperation, hope and fear is:

“Will you still be my friend?”

**Please note that while this appears to be written to one person, my mind has been flooded with the faces of so many wonderful people while writing. If you can imagine me saying this to you, the chances are you are one of those people I have cried for tonight.**

When life gives you lemons...

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

This quote has been going around and around my head for days now. I have always hated it, but I was unsure why. I think it is partly because my initial reaction is ‘Wow, and did you cross-stitch that onto a pillow or do you have it on the wall in your kitchen?’ It just seems so cliché.

And the more I think about it, the more I hate it.

Many people may not know this but last year, 2012, was the hardest year of my life so far. It was a year filled with the death of loved ones, both old and young. Due to grief I battled clinical depression for about 7 months.

During this difficult time God was good, gracious and kind. But if someone had told me to make lemonade I would have done one of two things. I would have either burst into tears or bopped them one.

And, unfortunately, some people with the best of intentions did say things very similar to this. One thing I heard often was ‘Oh well, we know that all things work together for good for all those that love God’ (taken from Rom 8:28 and way too often taken completely out of context).

Am I the only one that sees a problem here? Has anyone else experienced a time when they just couldn’t make lemonade?

Let’s face it – some things in life just suck. Sometimes life itself sucks. Some situations are so intense you can’t get past them. Death of loved ones is permanent and painful. Mental and physical illness can be long-term or life-long. Intellectual and physical disabilities do not go away. Poverty and hunger is a way of life for many people. War can lead to life-long devastation. The reality is that often these things simply do not have a silver lining. Yes, God can use them to change us and make us more like Him, which is wonderful. But they are the result of a broken world, not a perfect creation. And often these situations do not make lemonade. They are just lemons.

Sometimes it is just impossible to feel joy. When I was in the middle of a depressive episode I was incapable of feeling anything at all. It was a black hole of nothing, so impenetrable that I couldn’t even get the energy to try to fight for any feeling at all. I just existed. This can be said of times of great emotion as well – grief, sadness, pain – you just exist in a bubble of emotion or emotional numbness. You cannot make anything else matter.

Last year I learnt something very important. If you get given a lemon, or are swimming in a bath of lemon juice, it’s ok to purse your lips, shudder and cry out “I hate lemon juice!” Sometimes we just don’t have the experience or energy or ingredients to make lemonade. So we just have to suck the lemon, sometimes for days, weeks, months, years, or even a lifetime.

Jesus was given a lemon – a massive one. He was tortured and killed, even though He was innocent. When He was waiting for this to happen He didn’t try to look on the bright side or be happy in His suffering. Jesus shed tears, He curled up before God and wept, begging for there to be another way, for God to take the bitter cup from Him. While He was being beaten and He was hanging on a wooden cross He was not jovial or happy, He was in unimaginable and humanly inescapable pain. His body would have been screaming for life as it slowly gave up the fight. Jesus was able to do this because He had something to cling to – hope. This hope was not the kind of hope that we often refer to. It was not just an emotional hope or a happy feeling. Jesus had a true hope, a hope that was grounded in the promises of God. When all Jesus felt was pain and sorrow He knew that God would keep His promise to raise Him from the dead, that there would be time when the pain and suffering was in the past. Jesus could trust His Father because throughout history God had proven over and over that He always kept His promises.

This is the one thing that I could cling to last year, the promises of God. I couldn’t feel anything for God but I knew I was loved by God. I couldn’t feel the certainty of His promises but I could continue to remind myself of them and know their certainty on an intellectual level. At a time when I was incapable of feeling joy, happiness and fun I could know God was there loving me and caring, even if I couldn’t feel it.

Knowing the facts and truths of God’s Word and His promises of eternity meant I did not have to add another lemon to my pile – the great guilt that comes with being unable to be joyful. There is a lot of pressure, particularly in Christian circles, to always be joyful. This is just completely stupid. We were created with the complete spectrum of emotions for a reason. There are times in life when it is actually wrong to be seeking joy and it is right to be sad and grieving. Being happy doesn’t make you a better Christian. We have not been called to be happy all the time, to desperately look for a bright side when there may not be one. We have been called to trust God and His promises. So what is the point of pretending that everything is ok, that our world is not broken and often sucks, and that sometimes there are things in our lives that are just not as they should be? To do so is untruthful, painful and often causes more harm than good.

There is no promise of joy on this earth, although God is good and life can be truly wonderful. Because He is gracious God can bring about great good from awful circumstances, but the circumstances may still be awful. He can give joy and peace during painful times, but the absence of these does not mean God is absent.

When life gives you lemons and you just can’t make lemonade, that’s ok. It doesn’t make God’s promises less true. And God promises that one day there will be no more 'life lemons'. Although I am hoping there will be an awesome lemonade stand!

Thoughts of a Single Christian Girl on Valentine's Day

About six weeks ago a well-known Christian wrote a comment on social media that went kind of like this:

‘There were two young men arguing over who was the best super-hero. I asked them whether they were single. They were. What a surprise.’*

* this is from memory and could be slightly misquoted

When I read this I was completely outraged, and of course wanted to respond straight away, but I was worried I would write something I would later regret. It has, however, been playing over and over in my mind, and it has really got me thinking. And today, being Valentines Day, has spurred me to try and write something cohesive about these thoughts.

I do not want to launch a personal attack on the author of these words, because although I am disappointed that he would use his influence to write such things, I have realised that much of what he said contains views held by many people, and sadly many Christians. I am not writing this with anyone particular in mind, and I am glad to say that many of my friends certainly don’t fit into this category.

To try and order my muddled and racing thoughts I want to start by directly addressing the social media statement.

The statement assumes that these two young men were unattractive to women because they were immature enough to fight about superheros. But where does this kind of thinking begin and end? What about single people that love video games? (I’m speaking of a healthy interest, not a gaming addiction that has negative impacts) Or girls talking about shoes and nail polish? What about men that enjoy flying model aeroplanes? Are they unattractive and immature too? Says who? The thing I find completely baffling about this part of the statement is that the writer is discounting so many married men who would have loved to join in the same superhero argument – and probably have done with their own married friends. I know many married men and women who enjoy escapism in all different forms, so why has this been aligned with immaturity and being ineligible for marriage?

The statement is incredibly subjective, and is actually very demeaning to the thousands and thousands of single Christians (and non-Christians) in the world. To judge someone so cruelly based on a fragment of an overheard conversation is unkind and completely unrealistic. The author appears to know nothing of these young men’s personal lives, their personalities, their belief systems, or even their hopes and aspirations of the future. And there is one big thing that is not acknowledged at all – God’s will and plan for these young men’s lives.

Here is where my discussion takes a new course to encapsulate some wider ideas and frustrations that I have encountered as a single Christian.

Where to start? I think I need to go point by point to have better cohesion, and I will begin each point with a plea, just because it works.

1). Please remember that marriage is not a ‘higher calling’ than singleness

This may sound really obvious, but in Christian circles this can be a mindset that people can have subconsciously, or they can convey the idea in their conversations.

Of course there are many things that married people can accomplish in life and ministry that single people cannot. They can get alongside other married couples and go through shared experiences together. They can support new couples and encourage them in their relationship by sharing lessons they have learnt. They may have the joy of having a family, and raising children to know and love God. All of these things are wonderful and very precious.

But guess what? Single people can do things that married people are unable to do. Many single people are able to be much more flexible with their time, and hence can potentially spend more time invested in ministries and other relationships. They are able to dedicate their lives to serving God in places that are dangerous or difficult for families. It is much easier for a single person to be there in an instant for a friend or family member that needs immediate support or company.

Both marriage and singleness have a place in this world, and this should be more, not less, evident in the life of the church. The writings of Paul to the church in Corinth make it clear that different life stages are to be accepted and used to bring glory to God. So being single is not ‘settling for less’ or ‘hoping for more but haven’t been promoted yet’. It is just being single.

2). Please remember that God has a plan for everyone’s life

Again, another seemingly obvious statement. What does this mean for those of us who are single? Well, it may just be that this plan God has does not involve being married. It may be that the works God has for us to do are to be done without a husband or wife. Please note that I am not saying they have to be done alone – where would any of us be without the love, support and encouragement from our family and/or friends? But maybe to bring the greatest glory to God and complete our work here in earth the best it can be done we must be single - if not for our whole lives, at least for now.

What does it mean for married people looking at and associating with single friends and family members? Don’t assume that the person is single because of some fault of personality or decision-making. Trust me, if we want this kind of judgement we can do it to ourselves. Rather than assuming that God’s plan is for everyone to be happily married to another Christian and blissfully popping out babies (which, lets face it, is no-one’s reality), why not acknowledge the work that the single people around you are doing? That without single people the church would be imbalanced and without an arm? (I am of course referring to the fact that the church is made up of many different people with different skills and at different life stages, just like a body is made up of different parts).

So rather than assuming God’s plan for each other’s lives, let’s encourage each other, in whatever state we are in, to serve God to the best of our ability and bring glory to Him.

3). Please remember that ‘I’m Single’ does not mean ‘I’m waiting’

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! This one kills me. On so many levels. So let’s get started.

Firstly, the good old ‘Have you found somebody yet’ question. Apart from the fact that unless you are very close to someone and are willing for us to pry into your love life you shouldn’t ask, it is just rude. You have no idea if the person you are asking is really struggling with their singleness on that particular day. You don’t know if they have just spent an hour crying with a friend over the fact that they are lonely and feel surrounded by couples having babies. The person you are asking may desperately wish they were married. Such questions do not encourage, they bring down. Did you notice that this question does not acknowledge points 1) & 2)? It is assuming that the person is in the lesser state of singleness waiting to be rescued from it, and that where they are right now is not necessarily where God want’s them but will just have to do for now. You might not mean any of this when you ask, but can you see what it communicates and how it could be received?

Secondly, we are instructed to be content in whatever state we are in. Thinking, then, that singleness is merely waiting for the better times of marriage to arrive completely undermines ‘being content’. It may actually be that the single person you are talking to has just reached a place of contentment, and you manage, in one careless question or statement, to undermine the work that God has been doing in this person’s life.

Thirdly, unless we ask you directly, saying ‘I’m single’ does not mean ‘please find me someone to marry thank you very much yes please set me up with all your other single friends’. I know! Total revelation. But really, this can be so frustrating. Not to mention embarrassing and completely awkward. If we need help, we’ll ask.

Fourthly, if you are single and know you are ‘waiting’, try to focus on what you have now, the friends and family around you, and get involved in activities and ministries that people at other stages of life are unable to do. You are needed! And necessary! Make the most of it!

Lastly, again to singles, ‘I’m Single’ does not mean ‘I’m looking really hard to find someone and maybe you’re it so you had better either ask me out or run for the hills’. Yep, thought you’d like that one. But seriously, it is so important to have healthy relationships with people of the opposite sex, married and single. Being friends and hanging out does not necessarily mean ‘I want to marry you, tomorrow if possible’. Nor does introducing yourself to someone mean ‘I saw you across the room and thought I had better get in first before the other singles line up to get you’. Enjoy friendships, and build each other up in them.

4). Nor does ‘I’m Single’ mean ‘I’m unhappy’

So I’m putting it out there – I love being single. So much. But when people look at me forlornly or shake their head and say ‘What’s wrong with men these days?’ I catch myself thinking ‘Oh, maybe I’m not happy. Maybe I don’t want to be single. Wait, what just happened?’ And when I say to people ‘I’m really happy being single’ they do the whole intense eye look thing that says ‘I know you are truly very sad and are just putting on a brave face, but that’s ok, I understand.’ No! Just, NO! I am so glad I am not married, I am so grateful I do not have kids. I know I would not be where I am today if I was married, and I would not have friendships with the amazing people currently in my life if my life situation was different. At this point in my life I know I am where God wants me to be, and I’m happy. I am very aware this may change, there is possibly, even probably, going to be a time when I am incredibly saddened by not having a husband or family. Or it may be that I meet someone amazing and realise I want to be married – to them. But for now, praise God, I’m single and happy.

So please make it easy for single people to be happy in their singleness. Love them, involve them in your family life so they have kids and other married couples in their lives. Don’t assume they are struggling, but don’t rule it out either.

These are my thoughts. I have many more, but for now I have blurted out enough and have run out of time. I hope what I have written makes sense. I’m not sure if you could tell, but I’m pretty passionate about this. What I have written is not meant to be a strong argument or shaking-my-fist posting, I hope it will not be taken as such. I am very aware that my thinking on these things may evolve and change throughout the years, and I would love you to come back at me if you have thoughts or rebuttals. Other people’s experiences are sure to be different to mine, and I know many of you are more articulate, wise and better thought out than me.

I want to leave it on this thought, because it is something I want to work on myself:

Rather than judging people based on their marital status, their life situation, their skills, their intelligence or their beauty, let’s build each other up, encourage each other and love each other, so that we are focused on God’s plan for our lives and are able, to the best of our ability, to glorify Him in what we do and say.